Tuesday, October 30, 2012


(This post is a rambling of what's going on in my head these days. I know I said I didn't want to blog about my accident anymore, but sometimes, I just need to)

In June, I wrote about my accident and all of the details I can very vividly remember, (to be read here). I can remember when it first happened, I was SO glad that I didn't lose consciousness. I was so grateful to be able to talk and interact with my family, the paramedics and my doctors during those first few critical moments.

Today, I am still so thankful. I cannot imagine the pain and anguish it would have caused Travis and my kids had I been unconscious on the road waiting for the ambulance. But, its also the hardest thing I've ever had to mentally deal with, (and physically too).

My left leg is a big mess of scars. It has straight pretty scars from surgery and stitches. It has big blotchy scars from road rash. The funniest scars are the "cheese grater" scars from my skin graft donor site, (which happens to be almost on my booty...and makes it even funnier to me). The ugliest scars are the actual graft site on the back of my leg. I have a big scar on my back that no one sees but me and Travis that is pretty gruesome.

I am self-conscious of those scars. Not because I had aspirations to be a swimsuit model or anything; but, more because I don't want someone to see them and be "grossed out". They aren't pretty. But, they are me. So, I do my best to keep everything covered. I have to wear a thigh-high compression hose everyday (I don't like to...but most days I do) and that really helps keep the leg scars hidden when I wear a dress or skirt.

During this whole time, I have never had the pain of "why me" floating around in my head. (That may not be totally true, but if I did, I was in a drugged state of mind and don't remember asking that question at all.) I haven't dealt with the issues of wondering why did this happen to me or what did I do to deserve this.

Something I do deal with, daily, are the mental scars and those are MUCH more painful than the physical pain that I have. Remembering everything causes flashbacks. There are no specific triggers in which I can avoid to prevent my near panic attacks brought on by the memories. It just happens. For a long time, I was tormented by these flashbacks at night while everyone else was asleep. I still don't sleep very well, but a few re-runs of friends around midnight help immensely.

But, the scars are still there. Sometimes, when I am sitting in my office working away, I almost forget that I limp, until I get up to get something from the printer. Anytime I am with a group, I try SO very hard not to let this take me away from the laughing, sarcastic, joking Boni that I so genuinely am. But sometimes, in that group, my mind wanders and I remember the look on Travis's face while I was laying there.

The memories are there. They don't consume my every thought and every moment like they used to, but they can jump in my head when I least expect it. I am so fortunate to have a husband, mother and friends who don't get sick of hearing me talk through these issues a million times over, (at least I hope they don't). They graciously answer all of my questions about the parts of my hospital stay that I don't remember. I often ask Travis what he was doing at any given time or how he felt. I have this desire to understand as much as I can from every perspective and I know that is exhausting on everyone I know. (Thank goodness I don't talk about it or ask about it every time it's on my mind or they might run screaming from me! ;) )

My faith in God and HIS plans (not mine) keep me from digging into that "why me" hole that I know some people can so easily get sucked into. He is teaching me lesson after lesson. One of the easiest ones has been compassion for others and how important daily prayer is for those who are hurting both physically and mentally.

One of the toughest ones for me to learn (and I am STILL learning) is patience. Not necessarily patience with others, but patience with myself. I want so badly to be "fixed" all the way NOW...not in a few more months. (It's been 5 already for goodness sakes!). But, that's not His plan for me.

I've dealt with stares and even caught a stranger (an adult) making snide comments about me. It hurts. Almost every time that happens, I am slapped with the reality of where I am. Sometimes, I just roll my eyes and think "If they only knew..." Other times, it really upsets me almost to the point of tears.

But I remind myself, this place, right now, is all a part of His plan for me. I am right where He wants me to be and knowing that provides the only solace during the healing process.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Phil. 4:6

Monday, October 29, 2012

Birthday Parties Galore

We had TONS of birthdays to celebrate this weekend and that means TONS of pictures. Let's get to it shall we.

Thursday was Travis's 29th birthday. The girls and I woke him up with a fabulous rendition of "Happy Birthday" and then showered him with his birthday gifts. :) That night, Travis and I went to dinner with some of our favorite friends and then to George's to celebrate Travis's birthday watching one of his favorite bands, Turnpike Troubadours. (If you haven't heard them, look them up and listen. They are great!). I sent their manager an email asking them to tell him happy birthday, but it didn't happen. :( But, all in all, it was a great 29th birthday for my sweet, handsome, hubs! (Some how all the guys avoided the camera, except Travis. But, all the hubbys were there too!)

I just love this, man!

Saturday, Emma had a birthday party for one of her friends. They did a painting party and all of the girls painted a canvas. Emma had such a good time and I was genuinely impressed with her art skills.

Saturday night, my favorite twins turned 30! I have been friends with Meredith and Lauren since we were freshmen in college. I can't believe it's been so long. These girls are as different as night and day. So, we had fun celebrating both of their ideas of fun. First, we got all dolled up and went to dinner and cocktails at Theo's, (Lauren's part of the fun). After that, we went to the Embassy, got on our PJs, opened presents and chatted it up, (Meredith's part of the fun). Then, at midnight, we toasted to both girls being 30.

Such a fun weekend celebrating everyone we love!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Say Cheese with Suburban Strut

So, if you've been a long time reader, you may have noticed that I've started jumping in pictures with my family and friends more often that I used to. First of all, I need to thank Rachel and Tara for forcing asking me to get in pictures.

A few years ago, I would rather crawl in a hole than take pictures of myself. I am chubbier than I used to be and was much less confident with myself. I felt most comfortable behind the camera taking pictures of the girls and Travis.

I have never been more thankful that I have spent the last few years getting in the pictures as I was after my accident,, (read here for details). It was such a reminder that life is short. Now, I am not saying that my kids won't remember me when I am gone without the pictures.

But, I know they will be able to remember US at each stage in their lives much easier now that I am in more pictures. I want them to remember the funny faces we made together and how much Travis and I love each other. What better way than a bunch of pictures of us?

And, I can imagine when I am old and gray, I will look back on these and think, "Man...I wasn't so bad looking!" :) If I can give you any advice, it's take pictures and GET in pictures.

Remember, you are your toughest critic and your hubs and kids will think you are beautiful no matter how crazy the face you're making is!

I'm linking this post to the Suburban Strut Challenge.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Wedding Weekend

This weekend was another wedding weekend for the Williamson fam. We headed to Little Rock on Friday to help celebrate the marriage of Lewis and Robbie. Travis was a groomsman and Hannah was a flower girl. Hannah was beautiful, of course. Can I just say...I LOVE seeing my handsome hunk of a husband in a tux.

We had such a fun weekend. My kids always LOVE staying in hotels and we all enjoyed dancing the night away. I brought my good camera but, OOPS, the battery died. So, all this pics are from my phone. Enjoy!

(photo bomb courtesy of Catherine. ha ha!)

Friday, October 19, 2012

Our Prissy Dog

Gus, for the most part, is such a "boy". He is rough and likes to wrestle. He is constantly running and jumping on stuff. But, when it comes to eating, he HATES when his face is dirty.

Now...here is where ya'll are going to get me in trouble. But, I have to tell you...we feed him table scraps sometimes. (I know...I know. But, it's not much and he loves it!).

So, anytime we feed him table food, he gets his face dirty. He.cannot.stand.it! Immediately after he finishes, he runs over to his bed and does this....

It goes on for longer than I recorded, but as you heard I was being beckoned. Typically, he does that for a good 5 or 10 minutes. Once his face is clean, he is back to being the rough and tumble "boy" he usually is.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Tongue Twister

The other night at dinner, we were all goofing off and I tried to teach the girls a tongue twister. Emma and Hannah did pretty good. Catherine...well...she is only three.

Enjoy the videos of each of the girls saying "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"